It's my spleen...

Whew...dodged that one! I found out that "The Critter" is just my partially atrophied spleen. This damage was caused by a childhood accident when I was seven. What a relief! I cannot begin to describe how elated I was upon hearing the news.

When my doctor called and told me all I kept saying over and over was "you've made my day." He said he liked my heart felt response since there are more times then not that the news he is calling about isn't good.

I've decided that my spleen will now be called "the good critter." Well on to the next chapter. My hearing has decreased greatly and I am going to need surgery to correct it. I find out next week when that will be. I much rather have the surgery than a hearing aid. Wouldn't you?

CAT Scan Approved!

It only took ten days for an approval! The appointment is already scheduled for tomorrow, Friday, November 30th at 1:45 p.m. It is a relief to move on to the next step in this journey of mine.

A Deer Sighting in Northampton!

On my way to work this morning, I was given a gift from God. Four deer crossed Rt. 66 (the road we live on, plus it is the route I take to Smith), I slowed down because I've heard that if there is a group of them there usually are more. Three more came over the hill but they were scared by my presence, that they ran into tall grass and I scooted passed them.

I'm so blessed to have see this awesome moment in time! Made my day!!

The Dogs in my Life!

Good Morning! This morning’s subject is about the three dogs that own Mary and I. They are Chloe, a Eurasier, Fast Eddie, a Puggle and Chancey, a Scottish Terrier.

The morning routine for them goes like this. When getting them up in the morning, Fast Eddie is a slug and has to be pushed off the bed while the other two cooperate without problems. They all need their collars put on and for the boys harnesses as well. One of us has to chase Fast Eddie through the house to corner him to get his collar and harness on. Then there is getting them out the door and into the car. Fast Eddie must be put on a leash or he takes off and he doesn’t come back in a timely fashion. The other two know to just climb into the car. Then Mary takes them to a park near our home for a 30-minute walk.

Once they come home they might need to be washed off depending on what muck they got into. Fast Eddie and Chloe both love rolling around where there is deer poop! Then once in the house feeding time begins. The whole time it takes me to prepare their breakfast, Fast Eddie is sitting under the kitchen table making a sound that sounds like steam coming out of a radiator because he's anxiously waiting for his meal.

Ok, the food bowls are ready to go down on the floor! Fast Eddie’s goes down first on the kitchen floor. Chancey’s eats in the living and Chloe eats in the guest bedroom. This entire food arrangement is to keep Fast Eddie from eating their food as well, which is another whole story in itself. Meaning I’m running from one area to another to make sure that Fast Eddie behaves himself.

Chancey is now done eating and needs to go out for his after meal jaunt in the front yard. Fast Eddie likes to follow to see if Chancey does a poop. I won’t even begin to tell you what Fast Eddie does with that!

Now it is time for me to get ready for work and I have already spent too much time on the dogs. Oh yes, as I leave the house each dog has to have their individual blankets draped over them and they are each given a treat. I tell them “I’ll see you in a little while” which means I’m returning home at noon time to let them out, give them treats, cover them up again etc. etc. This is just a glimpse into how the two adult are wrapped around the paws of their three dogs!

"The Critter" Saga Continues

Well, I took a big step today and sent e-mail to my supervisor telling her the situation about the "mass."

Here is what I wrote: "A couple of weeks ago my knee "blew" and I went to the knee doctor. At the time, I was also complaining of sharp back pain. The decision was made to take a x-ray of my spine. Well, a mass was discovered in my stomach cavity. Due to issues with Harvard Pilgrim and Thanksgiving the CAT scan approval has been delayed. Hopefully I can have the CAT scan in the next day or two. As things develop, I will keep you in the loop. I am telling my work-study students what is going on as they might have to cover additional office hours. Ticket sales for the Winter shuttle starts this coming Monday, December 3rd so office coverage is definitely needed. Believe it or not, I am quite calm about this situation. I have faith that this isn't as serious as it sounds."

So folks, the saga of "the critter" continues. I will keep all of you informed as things progress. Cheers!

The Critter

The story continues about the “mass” found in my stomach cavity. Harvard Pilgrim will not approve the CAT scan request if it comes from my orthopedic surgeon’s office. So they are now trying to reach my primary care physician (PCP). I called their office myself and begged for assistance. I know I got that person’s attention when I called the mass “the critter” and she laughed. I also mentioned that I wanted this issue resolved before Christmas since that is my birthday. She gave me reassurance that this would get resolved.

Mary and I’ve finally decided that we are going to Paris over spring break. The Paris trip will be my “carrot” to get through whatever the future holds about what “the critter” really is. Life is what you make it and I want to go to Paris! More later...

My life changed at 12:50 p.m. on Monday, November 19, 2012

This is when I received a phone call from my orthopedics’ physician assistant. The previous Monday, my right knee “blew” and it started to swell. Anyone who has ever battled bad knees knows that swelling can be fluid build-up and needs to be taken care of. I also was experiencing a sharp pain in my lower back. Upon hearing this, she ordered an x-ray of my spine.

She noted something odd on the x-ray but at the time dismissed it as nothing serious. Upon further reflection she reviewed the x-ray and noticed that the spot was some sort of mass in my stomach cavity. Of course, once I heard this I went to the extreme and thought of cancer.

So the next step is a CAT scan and then we go from there. Because of the Thanksgiving holiday approval from my health insurance hasn't happened yet. I have such a wonderful life with Mary and I will fight whatever I have, because I want to grow very old with her. As I get updates, I will let you all know what is happening.

Thanksgiving 2012

We had a wonderful day yesterday. We invited five Smithies over for Thanksgiving and it was a blast! Two were from China, two from India and one was from Wisconsin. Mary out did herself with cooking up a feast.

With a 19 lb. turkey, home-made mash potatoes and stuffing, sweet potatoes, a cranberry chutney (made from scratch), plus green and yellow waxed beans it was quite a meal. Plus, we had two pies, an apple and pumpkin. Both were made by the Ultimate Frisbee Club at Smith. And, the pies were a big hit! Mary only purchased one can of whip cream and I was worried there wouldn't be any for me. It worked out fine and there is still some in the can, I checked!

After dinner and before dessert, we played a card game called “May I?” I haven’t played it in years so my explanation on how to play was a little hard to follow, which was fine, because I was the winner with the lowest score! We’ve invited all five of our guests back to dinner because it was such a wonderful experience. Cheers!

I'm back, again!

Well is has been months, almost seven, since I last wrote in my blog. Life so gets in the way that taking time to be creative to write is never an easy task. So here we are, tighten your safety belt and hang on for dear life! I went to Lowe’s this past Sunday to return an item that we didn’t need in the first place, so why did I buy it? That is so another whole conversation. I promised Mary that I would return the item and not do any additional shopping. Well, that didn’t happen. I blame Lowe’s for that. The Return counter was closed so I had to enter the store and go to Customer Service. Along the way I saw all sorts of Christmas holiday goodies. So I returned an item for $36 dollars and turned around and charged $39 instead! Some of the items were just plain tacky, what was I thinking? So I’m going back to Lowe’s to return those items. I wonder what I’ll get this time. Oh, one of the items I purchased was one of those small decorative flags. This one says “Got Turkey” with a big fat bird on it. Well, have a wonderful Thanksgiving and don’t eat too much! Cheers!

What's going on?

My last two posting aren't showing the paragraph breaks I put in. Why???????????????????????????????????????

My New Tooth!

Today, April 27, 2012, will be one of those days that I will celebrate for the rest of my life. A new anniversary date! This goes with all of the other special anniversary days in my life. Yearly, I celebrate the first time Mary and I spoke on the phone, the first time we met, the date I purchased my house, the date of my last divorce from ex-husband #3, the last emergency surgery for Fast Eddie and on and on. Be aware that I also name possessions: Sami the Refrigerator, Curtis the Stove, Adie the Dishwasher, Jamie the Bike and of course Pixie, my car! Go figure. But today I received my new front tooth implant. And she looks awesome but she will not be named! Some things just shouldn’t be named…if you know what I mean. Oh yeah, back to my tooth. I was told in January 2006, that my front tooth had to be removed. After two failed root canals, there wasn’t any other option but to pull it. Let me tell you, I fought that idea of losing my front tooth! But in December of 2010, the pain was so bad that I had no choice. So on December 23, 2010, two days before my 57th birthday, I had it pulled. The original plan was that I would take a Valium a hour before the extraction and then get Novacaine. “Novacaine is an anesthetic from the cocaine family (N17 H21 NO4). It goes to the neurotransmitters of the body and blocks the synapses between nerve endings. That makes it impossible for the pain signal to be transported via the nerve.” Well, those plans quickly changed, I walked in and saw the tray of tools that were going to be used to remove my tooth. So for a not so meager price of $375, I was knocked out. Because it was a front tooth, I had to have a bone graph during the procedure which takes six months to heal. I was given a flapper (temporary tooth that comes out nightly). The next step was to drill into the jaw and put a “drum.” It takes about six months to heal and then a special screw is installed inside the tube. That takes about a month or two and then the new tooth is installed. So with some hiccups along the way and there were several, 16 months and 4 days later I am the proud owner of a new tooth! The diva in me is so thrilled; this is definitely a date worth celebrating every year!

Here at Smith there has been a higher than normal level of tensions over racist and homophobic behavioral. A student received two anonymous hateful notes placed under the door of her house in the last month or so. It amazes me that the writer of those hateful notes would do it once much less twice! Of course, Smith is in the process of investigating these two episodes. But why should they? In a perfect world, the individual writing these notes would realize from all the Facebook and Tumblr activity that they need to "own up" to their behavior and come forward. That acting anonymously in the long run doesn't help the individual or the school as a whole to grow and move forward and as a result we all remain stuck in the moment. I am a white college educated female with three ex-husbands and at the age of 49 I realized that cats and men weren't my cup of tea. I am now married to the most amazing woman and we are the proud owners of three dogs. In my lifetime, I have had many people who disagreed with my choices and my lifestyle. But what made the difference is that they spoke to me directly and not anonymously. I'm not saying that what they said to me directly didn't hurt because it did. But I had a "face" to put with whatever the objection or judgment was. Knowing who was behind those words was a comfort as some of those individuals had just as many or more issues than I did at the time. So below is one of my postings from June 2010 that I thought was helpful to me at the time but it tells me that I have a lot more to grow and learn to understand why things like the above still happen in the year of 2012. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ "Being Uncomfortable" Originally Posted June 2010 Recently I attended a three-day training to become a facilitator to lead inter-group dialogues planned in the fall at Smith. The issues that will be discussed are on gender, race/ethnicity and class. I participated in the race/ethnicity group dialogue and I listened to people describe how being a person of color is something they have to deal with everyday. From inappropriate comments such as “Can I touch your head?” or “Does your mother speak English?” to people just being down right nasty. OMG! What planet are these rude folks from? From the same planet that I live on and that is where the problem lies. My being “white” has never been an issue for me. But it should be. My being white does not give me a free pass to be unaware of what life is like for people of color. One of the participants mentioned that “being comfortable” in one’s white skin should not be an option. That to “be uncomfortable” would be a way to grow and stretch one’s self. And I agree. So stay tuned to find out how it feels for me to stretch my skin…

Bye Jim

Yesterday Jim died. He was 85. He left behind two sons, plus many grandchildren and great-grandchildren. He also left behind June, his wife of 63 years.

At 84, June is an amazing woman. She is quick with an intelligent response and has a much better memory than I do at 58. I was drawn to her at our Church several years ago and we slowly became close friends. She was an educated woman in an era where woman stayed home and raised their family and never ever stepped foot into the workplace. While raising her sons, she attended classes at various colleges where Jim, a Professor in Theater, taught. Once her boys were old enough, she made a career in the field of education which she did until her retirement.

She is one of the most stubborn women I’ve met in years. Though, she just pointed out to me last weekend that she feels she’s met her match in me. Of course, I disagreed with her. I decided that being considered a “pushy broad” was a more appropriate description of me.

I didn’t even know Jim had been hospitalized with pneumonia in both lungs until June called me for a ride to the hospital two weekends ago. June expected me to drop her off at the hospital after Church and just drive off. Not happening. I stayed with her and drove her back to her home after a couple of hours of visiting Jim. I kept Jim entertained with stories about our three dogs, Chloe, Fast Eddie and Chancey. Jim enjoyed the Fast Eddie stories so much that he laughed several times which isn’t easy to do when one is on oxygen.

This past Sunday, I drove June to the hospital with the promise that I would only stay for a few minutes. I’m glad I visited him that last time as I feel a certain amount of closure by doing so.

I cannot even image what June is going through right now. This is a woman who spent 63 years married to the same man. What would it feel like to lose someone you’ve spent 3/4’s of your life with? I have no clue. I truly hope that Jim’s death doesn’t shorten June’s time here on this earth. I so want to spend many more years sharing moments with her and I hope I do.

My Wonderful Minion’s

I have this lovely group of students who help me out in my office. Without them, I couldn’t attend meetings, doctor appointments, do office errands or take a lunch break.

I can get rather hot-headed when certain rules are broken and the Smithies involved know better. My minion's assist me in reviewing my e-mail for the bitchy factor and correct my grammar mistakes at the same time. This is where I’m given advice on my tone and wording. My minions are willing to do whatever is needed to make this office run smoothly. From cleaning off snow on the vans to helping students navigate through budget questions, van reservations, and life questions, such as “Should I buy those red boots?”

Below is the definition I found on my iPhone using the Merriam-Webster app. I don’t think of my minions as servile, followers, underlings or subordinates. Instead I think of them as part of a wonderful group of intelligent, articulate and caring individuals that I have the pleasure to spend time with. Plus, with their help, I wouldn't be the amazing creature that I am. What more could a Diva want?

\min-yen\

1: a servile dependent, follower, or underling
2: one highly favored
3: a subordinate or petty official

Life....

I get so busy with my life that I just don't make the time to sit down and write a post. So I have five minutes....

I recently won an award here at the College for being an outstanding staff member by the student body. To say that I feel honored is an understatement! I have been the SGA Office Manager for seven years now. For the first four to five years, I didn't get much support or feedback about my position. Starting with the 2010-11 Cabinet and this year's Cabinet, I know that I'm truly appreciated for my efforts to support the SGA Cabinet, managing nine student vans and so forth. The diva in me is so thrilled! Oops, the five minutes is up!!

More to come.

I'm back..............did you miss me?

I last wrote in my blog in June 2010. A lot has happened since then. 2011 was one of the worse years I’ve experienced in my lifetime. The good news is that I’m doing much better now.

Last year, I finally accepted that my mental-health issues stemmed from having Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). The physicians and therapist knew but felt that I should figure it out on my own. I have been in a program since August and it has made a difference in understanding that the demons that have lived within me for years can be sent packing.

Am I better person for this life altering experience? I don’t know. I do know that it has made me more empathetic to others who deal with the inequities that life dishes out to us on a regular basis.

Life is not easy. If anyone ever tells you that life is easy and there are no pits to be found in that bowl of cherries, put some distance between you and them. They are either living in a fantasy world or life just hasn’t dropped a giant pile of doo-doo on them, yet.

Do I still struggle most days? Yes. I’ve lived with these conditions all of my life and they won’t change overnight. Will I get better at dealing with what happens when dysfunctional individuals are placed in my path? Of course, but probably not until I’m 80! So I just take one step at a time, remember to breath and face what life decides to dish out for the moment.