What is Family?

fam′ i-ly n. the members of one’s household; close relatives; a social unit, such as a tribe; a related group, as of certain plants or animals (from Webster’s Pocket Dictionary, 2002 Edition)

Since I was a small child of six or seven, I have been on the hunt for a family to belong to. Yes, I had two people in my life, which I called Mommy and Daddy, but we were not a “family.” We were three humans under the same roof and that remained that way until my father died when I was 17. Life improved somewhat, but in my eyes, the two of us did not constitute a “family.”

My vision of a family was a group consisting of: parents, grandparents, siblings and their girlfriends or boyfriends, aunts, uncles, multiple dogs, and a picket fence. Events such as: births, christenings, weddings, funerals, family reunions, and celebrating the holidays with huge dinners and lots of presents, were part of the picture.

This was not true in my case. It was always just the three of us celebrating Valentine’s Day, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. We never invited anyone over for the holidays, nor did we go to any relatives’ houses to celebrate. When I asked, “why?”, I was told that Daddy’s relatives lived in Philly, which was too far away to visit. And since we never visited them or they us, I thought that the East Coast had to be another planet, far, far away from Nebraska where we lived. Plus my parents were in their late thirties when they had me, so I only once met one grandmother, the one in Philly. The rest had died many years before.

When I was attending the University of Nebraska in Lincoln, I latched on to anyone who would invite me to their houses for the holidays. I was never happier, even though I wasn’t part of their family. It was always such a wonderful time plus great food to boot!

In my mid-twenties I got married (he was husband 1 & 2) and thought, finally I’m in a family. No such luck. I just didn’t fit in with their lifestyle. They were my first experience of what “a dysfunctional family” truly means. Husbands 3 & 4’s families were much better, but I had no history with them prior to meeting their sons, so it still didn’t feel right on either side.

So when ML came into my life, I thought bingo! I knew her family and they knew me because I was working with a family member, so instant family! How lucky could I get? Unfortunately, due to family unrest, over 90% of her family decided not to have any contact with us. We both were sad over their decision, but we moved on and created our own family.

Our family consists of three four-legged fur children (Chloe, Fast Eddie and Champ) and some really amazing friends and of course, we have each other. What more could one ask for? Finally, after all these years I got my wish. Last Thanksgiving, we had 13 people sitting around our table creating memories and having a great time to boot. Life is good!